There's a certain slant of light...

Grown-Up Christmas List

2010-12-21T13:39:00.002-05:00

My Christmas list this year - the version I gave to Joel - was the most "grown-up" than it has ever been. Rather than asking for gift cards for clothes or shoes like normal, the number one item was "Go out for a nice dinner together."

It may sound odd to you, but I mean it. Every day I realize more how time is a valuable thing and I don't spend enough of it with my loved ones. Especially Joel. I'd love the gift of time with all my family and friends, but first and foremost to me is time with Joel.

So, Santa, more than any wrapped package under the tree, bring me an evening where Joel and I can sit down together, enjoy a leisurely face-to-face conversation instead of on the phone and the luxury of wonderful food that I do not have to prepare or clean up.

Two side notes:
Joel also had a grown-up Christmas list for me. First on his was "international travel" and the second was "a baby." He is getting neither. :)

I'm granting my own wish and spending a few extra days with my family. However the list I gave them also included sweaters, accessories and other "things" that weren't on the list for Joel.

Like It Used to Be

2010-12-09T09:21:00.002-05:00

I'm not a morning person. Never have been, probably never will be. My better half (Joel) is, and used to be my wake-up call. Now I'm re-learning how to be self-sufficent since Joel is working third shift and sleeping when I get up.

My usual workday morning:

6:40 a.m. First phone alarm, "light," starts going off, gently signaling I need to wake up. I reach over from where I lay in the middle of the bed towards the night stand and hit snooze, then drift off until it sounds again 10 minutes later. Repeat hitting snooze and drifting off at least twice more.

7:05 a.m. Second phone alarm, "instance," punctuates the air, theoretically indicating I need to get up NOW. Wish Joel were there. Reach over and hit snooze. Repeat.

7:20 a.m. Lay in bed, awake, and determine how long I can stay warm under the covers. Try not to fall back asleep. Depending on the morning, I may get up 10 minutes later, or 30 minutes later. Lately, it's been closer to 30 minutes.

7:50 a.m. to 8:40 a.m.(ish)Do my hair, pick out and put on clothes, apply makeup, pack gym clothes (if needed), make cup of coffee, pack lunch, run back to room for cell phone or some other forgotten item, turn off lights, frantically get in car and hurry to work.

This morning, however, was glorious. It was like it used to be. Joel had to take Deanna to the airport for a quick trip to South Carolina, so he stayed awake when he got home from work.

6:40 a.m. First phone alarm, "light," starts going off, gently signaling I need to wake up. I reach over from where I lay in the middle of the bed towards the night stand and hit snooze, then drift off until it sounds again 10 minutes later. Repeat hitting snooze and drifting off.

7 a.m. Joel comes into the room, gives me a kiss on the cheek and rubs my back, wishing me good morning. I mumble a "good morning" back, half asleep but happy.

7:15 a.m. Joel comes back into the room, turns a bedside lamp on, rubs my back again. Encourages me to get up, which I seriously consider.

7:20 a.m. Throw off the covers and start getting ready. Joel brings me a cup of coffee and I give him a huge hug.

8:20 a.m. Pack my lunch, give Joel another hug and head out the door, mentally singing Christmas carols. Wish every day could be like this again.

Culinary School

2010-11-24T15:14:00.002-05:00

Every so often I get on these kicks where I want to take classes to learn other skills.

I'm fascinated by hair and the endless possibilities with cuts and colors. Every so often, I want to go to cosmetology school to learn different tricks and techniques for doing hair. Plus, I'd get discounts on products, find new ideas for my own hair and have the ability to help with others.

After one cosmetology phase I was inspired by countless shows on HGTV - I couldn't get over the amazing transformations that took place by these designers! So I wanted to take some interior design classes. About that time we also bought our house, so I had actual rooms to work with! Decorating still inspires me, especially as I chip away at making our home everything I envision.

However my main obsession right now is food and cooking. I love all things Food Network - their shows, their recipes - and have also started checking out food magazines from the library. So it follows that my latest desire is to go to culinary school. Not that I want to become a chef - I'm content in my current profession. I enjoy cooking when I have time, and would like to be even better. I would love to be able to cook like a true chef for my family and friends. I would love to know how to use the vast array of ingredients available and make amazing and delectable dishes.

We'll see, maybe I'll take a culinary class or two, just for fun. Or maybe I'll just keep watching the Food Network and experimenting with recipes until my next obsession.

Being a Third Shift Wife

2010-08-16T12:53:00.002-04:00

About a year ago Joel went from part-time second and third shift work to full time second shift. We were excited about it being full time, and adjusted our schedules a bit for his Sunday to Thursday, 3 pm to 11 pm schedule. I got permission to start a little later and stay a little later at work. Being a night owl, I had no problem waiting up nearly every night to see him after work, and he being a morning person, got up with me in the mornings.

It was sometimes difficult being a second shift wife. It meant there were a lot of evenings to myself and get-togethers with friends I went to solo. We tried to connect at least once during the day by phone, so it wasn't just a 'hi' in the morning and 'good night' in the evening until the weekend came. In the end, we made it work because we had to.

Joel was recently told he would need to move from second shift to third shift: instead of 3 pm to 11 pm, he would be working 9 pm to 5 am. Last night was his first official shift on third, so I'm not quite sure yet what it means to be a third shift wife.

On the plus side, we'll now get to see each other at dinnertime and there may be some social things that we can go to together before he has to work. And most importantly, he still has a job, and for that we are very grateful.

On the other hand, this change means Joel and I will have to do things that don't come naturally. He'll have to stay awake at night and sleep during the day. I'll be on my own in the morning, and even need to get up earlier to try and see him.

I expect this to be a difficult transition, but it is not the first challenge Joel and I have faced together. We made it work through long distance while we were dating and then engaged, a single income while we waiting for his visa, then his part-time work and finally working full time second shift. And now we'll figure something out for third shift.

Next Stop...Iceland

2010-08-10T11:51:00.003-04:00

It's official: we are going to Iceland for four days late October. Yes, Iceland. The island in the North Atlantic Ocean next to Greenland with a population of about 320,000.

What does one do in Iceland? A variety of things, but here is what we are thinking:

1. Hike. Take advantage of the natural beauty and see waterfalls and hopefully the foothills of a volcano (probably not the one that erupted earlier this year).

2. Enjoy the thermal springs. We sampled these in New Zealand and while they smell bad (due to the sulfur), it felt wonderful. The natural hot water should feel perfect in the fall.

3. See the spectacular Northern Lights.

4. Tour Reykjavik, the capital.

5. Visit Great Geysir, the oldest known geyser in the world.

Determined to Lose

2010-08-08T20:24:00.002-04:00

Weight is something all women struggle with, wether they admit or not. At some point or another we have all tried to lose, maintain or in some cases - gain weight. And it's always an uphill battle.

After gaining the freshman 15 in college, I joined Weight Watchers and successfully lost the extra weight I'd put on as well as some additional weight I'd always wanted to lose. Most importantly, I learned how to eat smart: correct portion control, what a real healthy diet was, to drink lots of water, that I can say 'yes' to some things and adjust to allow for that choice, etc. In addition to working out regularly, eating smart has just become part of how I live, so I've maintained about the same weight for the past eight or nine years.

Sometimes I'm a few pounds heavier, sometimes I'm a few pounds lighter. As long as my clothes still fit, I don't worry about it too much. About the only time I weigh myself using a scale is at my annual physical.

Last week I had the annual physical with my new doctor and found I was on the high end of the range I've maintained, which was a bit disheartening. While I would like to think that their scale is off, I'm going to put extra effort into making smart food choices and spend a little more time at the gym the next few weeks. I'm determined to lose those extra few pounds that crept on!

Rediscovering Joy

2010-06-27T20:56:00.002-04:00

At church this morning with some friends, the sermon was on joy. Real joy - the kind that bubbles up from your soul like natural hot springs - not the general happiness that's so dependent on our feelings and circumstances. We looked at Paul, who was always joyful, yet his life was filled with troubles.

As the pastor spoke, I thought of the hours I spent yesterday in our front garden. After weeks of neglect and lots of rain, some of my flowers were barely visible amongst all the weeds. Armed with a trowel, gloves and a folded sheet for my knees, I did battle and reclaimed the area for my plants. To prevent the weeds from coming back, we covered the area with mulch.

It was hot and dirty work, but it was totally gratifying to rid the beds of weeds and put the focus back on the colorful blooms.

The past few months have been a season of work, which has made me weary - the kind of weariness that goes all the way to the depths of your soul. There has been little creative thought, let alone joy. And I'm tired of that. I miss the unstoppable, unexplainable joy bubbling in my soul.

So I'm going to work on reclaiming the garden of my soul from the weeds that have taken over and put the focus on what really matters.

Swimming Lesson

2010-01-13T13:46:00.002-05:00

For the Holiday Happenings program at my gym, East Hills/the MAC, I won a free swimming lesson. At first I was disappointed for two reasons: 1. I would need to be in a suit and 2. I'm not a great swimmer. I also had my eyes on the $100 spa giftcard or maybe a discount at the gym's clothing shop. After the initial disapointment of not getting a free trip to a spa, I decided it was a good prize because I could use the help in becoming a better swimmer.

Still, the idea of having an instructor watch me, a 28-year-old who can swim only well enough to not drown, is daunting. I haven't had a great track record with swimmng lessons.

I remember my first lesson at age 4 as clearly as I remember the taste of my mother-in-law's buttercake, which I ate five minutes ago. It's a vivid memory because I almost died.

I had watched my older sister, Julie, take swimming lessons for years from the metal bleachers at the Grand Ledge High School pool. I had watched my sister learn all kinds of strokes from a nice instructor also named Julie, and pass from one level to the next to the next. On the afternoon of my first "beginner" lesson, I was excited beyond belief for it to be my turn in the pool instead of the bleachers. After watching so many lessons, I figured I would be a natural. I would be the best student, swimming effortlessly while all the other kids struggled along. We were lined up in the water in the shallow end, holding the edge with one hand and our kickboards with the other. Julie, the same instructor, stood at the end. She was talking, and I just wanted to start swimming. I was so excited, I let go of the wall and just held on with one hand to the kickboard. I didn't notice, but I drifted out a bit from the wall. Then in my excitment, I let go of the kickboard.

And realized I wasn't a natural swimmer. Instead, I started to sink. I didn't know to kick my legs or pump my arms. I was straight as a pin and did the only thing that made sense: I raised my hand. The water closed in over my head. Luckily I had the sense to close my eyes and hold my breath, and leave my arm in the air. My feet probably hit the bottom of the shallow end, but my head remained under water. It felt like an eternity, but eventually I felt someone grab my hand and pull me out of the water by my arm. I gasped in air to my oxygen-deprived lungs, thankful to be alive.

Instructor Julie had jumped in the pool to save me, and quickly lifted me out of the water. Scared out of my mind at the near-death experience, I started crying. My mom had come over from the bleachers, wrapped me in a towel and hugged me close. No longer excited about swimming lessons, I begged to go home. Mom agreed.

It took me a couple years before I was brave enough to go back to swimming lessons. The second round of beginner swim lessons was a total embarrassment. Helpful, but embarrassing. By that point I was tall enough to stand in the shallow end and have my head above water. This was the key piece for me to agree to go back to the GL death pool. While I was glad about this, it was embarrassing to be the oldest and tallest of the kids in the beginner class. Other kids my age were two or three levels beyond beginners.

Also, Julie, the same one that had pulled me out of the water, was the instructor. And boy, did she remember me.

The real kicker? I failed beginner swimming lessons, because I wasn't consistent in breathing right in freestyle. At that point I told my parents I was a decent swimmer, and done with swimming lessons.

Until now.

The Separation of Work and Home

2009-12-07T20:23:00.002-05:00

I believe in the separation of work and home. When I'm in my office, I work. And I work hard. When I'm home, I want to be free to be me and do what I want.

I'd much rather stay late at the office than leave on time and bring work home. That way when I do leave, I can just relax and work out, watch TV, hang out with Joel or friends, check Facebook or play spider solitaire. I can be there 100% in mind and body. I don't have a nagging reminder in the back of my mind to carve out time to finish something for work.

I like what I do, but I also like the feeling that comes when you've worked hard all day and are then free to go play.

Happy Birthday Dad

2009-11-11T10:46:00.001-05:00

It's my dad's birthday today. I called to wish him a happy birthday, and I wish I would have recorded the conversation. It was classic Leon humor.

To mark this birthday, he bought a taller toilet for their master bath. Apparently he and my mom were lamenting the fact that they put a taller one in at their old house before they sold it, and now they have the standard height. He's going to install the taller toilet today and surprise my mom. I confessed I'm considering putting a new vaccum on my Christmas list. We had a couple laughs about growing older and buying practical things like toilets and vaccums as gifts.

You probably had to be part of the conversation, but take my word, from there is where it got really funny. We talked about the cards that sing when you open them, and wondered if you could do the same type thing to the toilet seat cover. So when you lift it up, it would sing or say something. Like "happy birthday" or "happy mother's day" or "good morning" or the Rise and Shine song.

Just imagine getting up in the night, or groggily stumbling into the bathroom in the morning - and then you heard a voice when you were about to pee. What would you do? Freak out probably. Well, my mom is rather jumpy, and if you did that to her, she would probably go through the ceiling - or the door cartoon-style. The mental picture of that was hilarious. My dad was hooting - that's what he does when he laughs really hard - and I was literally crying with laughter.

Part of my laughter was there is a chance my dad would do something like that. And I kind of want him to.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Happy birthday, dad.

The Budget Committee Meeting

2009-09-23T12:20:00.003-04:00

Communication is key in any relationship, but especially so in a marriage. I think Joel and I do a fairly good job of communicating, thanks in part to months of long distance dating where words were our only source of connecting. In the area of finances though, we haven't talked much. Joel is a fantastic money manager while I just get by, so until recently I let him worry about the details of our finaces. He pays all the bills, is responsible for saving, managing investments, etc. We discuss major purchases, but both just try to make reasonable decisions about smaller purchases.

To support my sister and improve my money-management skills, I joined a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University course through our church. Using Ramsey's terms, Joel is the "nerd" who saves and likes to budget; I am the "free spirit" who likes to spend and not bother with details. Just two weeks into the course, it has stretched me to start caring about budgets, expenses, savings/emergency funds, etc. It has opened my eyes to the importance of being a team when it comes to fiances and spurred numerous conversations between Joel and I.

Last night we had our first "budget committee meeting" to determine our budget for the next few months. With the budget worksheet in front of us and pencil in hand, we looked at our income vs. expenses. We erased numbers, scribbled in new ones, circled areas and drew arrows to others when things didn't add up. We argued about priorities, voiced fears, and shared a triumphant high-five when the budget was finally done. It was one of the most difficult conversations we've had in our marriage thus far. But oddly enough, I think it is also one of the most beautiful conversations we've had.

Thankful

2009-09-22T13:19:00.002-04:00

It isn't time for Thanksgiving - American (November 26) or Canadian (October 12) - but I am feeling thankful today.

Thankful for
...God's grace and love, which never cease to amaze me
...my family, as disfunctional as we are
...my wonderful husband, who loves me - good, bad and strange habits included
...awesome friends - each unique and fabulous, who inspire me
...a good job, one that allows us to not only pay bills, but help others and have fun
...our beautiful home, and all the good memories I already have there and all the ones to come

I am blessed.

Snapshots of Life

2009-08-27T14:32:00.000-04:00

I realized earlier this week that next week is already September. Wow. It seems like it should still be the beginning of August. How did I lose three weeks of time without really noticing? So I'm going to try and be more deliberate about pausing to appreciate the snapshots of life.

My favorite snapshot was first thing this morning. I had rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom, and was brought to a stop by the beautiful scene out our window.

The sky was a bright, midnight blue. Not quite black and not quite blue, like it is right before or after a huge storm. Against this dark backdrop was a cluster of trees. What caught my eye was one brightly illuminated tree. The sunlight was hitting the top of the tallest tree like a spotlight with lasor-beam focus, giving an intensity to the green leaves like I've never seen. It was beautiful.

It lasted only a few seconds, then the sunlight went behind the clouds. The tall treetop when back to it's normal shade of green, like all the other trees.

I was glad I had caught that moment in time, that moment of beauty.

Left, Right or Middle?

2009-08-17T10:49:00.000-04:00

Are you a left, right or middle?

Not in your political views...where in the bed you sleep.

The side of the bed doesn't matter much to me. But it matters to Joel. He prefers the left* side, which means I get the right* side of the bed.

But on nights when Joel works third shift, I've started sleeping in the middle. Or I sleep with my head on the right side, and my body diagonal so my feet are on the left side.

I'm sure it looks hilarious, especially when I sleep diagonal. But I figure that if it's just me in our big king bed, I might as well take advantage of the space!

*Note: Sides are based on if you're standing at the foot of the bed looking at the headboard.

It's Never Simple

2009-08-10T09:11:00.000-04:00

Progress on the house continues, although the changes aren't as obvious as they were in the beginning.

Upstairs it's been mostly detail work, like replacing doorknobs. I still need to hang curtains, put pictures and art on the wall as well as tables. Everything now looks nice, but void of these decor things, it lacks the "lived in" touch.

Downstairs is still a construction zone. The fairly simple bathroom project ended up being a bigger project than anticipated. We started off adding a chair rail and painting, and getting a new light fixture. But the darker red wall color combined with the new vanity light fixture, made the shower area a little dark. The simple solution was to add a ceiling fan with a light. Except the light/fan combinations are bigger than just fans, so Joel had to cut a big hole in the ceiling dry wall to move it over, add a new anchor to hold it to the floor joists, and replace the dry wall. It's just never as simple as you expect!

My task this week is to unpack the boxes of books onto our bare bookshelves, and start unpacking the boxes of photo albums and picture frames.

One Room (Almost) Done

2009-06-22T12:16:00.003-04:00

"Moving in" boxes and furniture took us one day. The real work of moving in - the cleaning, unpacking, organzing - is taking a lot longer. Initially I had visions of having at least two or three rooms done by now. But I quickly realized that there are more steps involved in the moving in process, and that things move at a slower pace when you work full time.

So I've changed my view of the house to a work in progress. Ignore the chaos of boxes, paint supplies, tools, furniture, ladders, and cleaning supplies scattered around. Just focus on the one room. And after a couple day's work on the kitchen, I'm proud to announce that its mostly done!

All the insides of the cupboards are wiped out and the wooden doors freshed up with Old English. All the boxes unloaded, all the dishes washed and put away. I can't tell you the total number of cupboards I cleaned, the boxes I unpacked, or the number of loads I ran through the dishwasher or washed by hand, but there were a lot of them. At one point I thought about counting, but decided it was better off not knowing.

The final step is washing the floors and windows, and painting the doors, then it's really done.

Weekend 2 Update

2009-06-08T10:45:00.002-04:00

This past weekend we made good progress thanks to the extra help from my mom and dad, who came and helped Friday night and all day Saturday. My "to-do" list is always longer than what we have time for, but we were able to complete the top priorities:

-Wipe all wood trim in office and master with Old English wood polish.
-Replace the door handles on the front door, door from the garage to the kitchen, and the door from the kitchen to the deck.
-Rekey all locks.
-Replace light fixtures in master bedroom, eating area, and basement.
-Replace electrical outlets and faceplates in master bedroom.
-Spackle gashes and gouges in guest room; sand down and repaint walls.
-Prime laundry room.

We also did a few things I hadn't planned on - like fixing the door from the master to the deck and giving the front door a fresh coat of paint before putting the new hardware on it. My dad, "Mr. Fix It," also investigated the problem with the icemaker/water dispenser on the fridge.

The other major thing we did this weekend was moving our big items to the house. Joel and I made two trips with the moving truck; one to the storage unit and one to the other house. Besides some select clothes, bathroom and kitchen items, everything is at the house.

The office and the master are done, with the exception of the doors. Those still need to be repainted. Our goal is to finish off the guest room and laundry room yet today or tomorrow. After that, we'll move into the more public areas of the main floor: hallway, living room and kitchen. The hallway and living room will just get touch-ups. The kitchen is transforming to a whole new color (green sprout).

We are making progress, I remind myself when the amount of "to dos" outweigh the "completed" items. Slowly but surely.

Picking Paint

2009-06-03T10:35:00.002-04:00

To help the house fit our style and personality, we're repainting some of the rooms. The fun part of repainting is looking at the seemingly endless rainbow of paint colors to choose from. It's like a super-sized box of crayola crayons: tupelo tree, front porch gray, waterscape...there are shades of colors I never even imagined.

Joel and I are earth tone people, so we're all about greens, blues and browns. Since most of the common areas upstairs are already shades of brown and beige, we're going to do blues and greens in the other rooms. But while I know what general color I want in each room, I'm finding picking specific paint colors to be more difficult than I thought it would be. Will this shade be too dark? Too light? Too much of a yellow undertone? I've found the Sherwin Williams room visualizer to be an incredibly helpful tool. But even with that, I knew I would need to test the paint chip in the actual room. How does the color look with that exact room's natural light? Artificial light? Morning sunlight? Evening sunset? I want the paint color to be perfect.

Armed with a handful of paint chips, I spent at least a half hour in the office and then the kitchen, deliberating the fate of the room's color. I started in the office. I held up the post-it size swatches to each wall in the natural light. Then turned on the artifical light and tested on each wall again. Narrowed it from six to four. Turned the light off. Turned the light on. Narrowed it down from four to two. Recircled the room. Changed my mind and swapped one color for one I had discarded. Turned the light off. Turned the light on. Recircled the room. Narrowed it down to one. Recircled the room. Changed my mind. Turned the light off. Turned the light on. Circled a final time. Went to the kitchen and went through the same process. Then came back to the office and recircled with my final selection: tidewater. It's a light blue with gray undertones.

The best I could do with the kitchen was narrow it down to two colors: great green or ryegrass. Tonight I'll have to make the final decision.

Weekend 1 Update

2009-06-01T11:14:00.002-04:00

We spent the first of what I think will be many weekends working on our house. With just a week before moving in the big furniture, we're focusing on the office and the master bedroom since those needed the most work.

Friday morning Joel rented a steamer for 24 hours to remove wallpaper. He started around 9:30 a.m. and worked until about noon, managing to take off almost all the wallpaper in the office. I came after work around 6:30 p.m. and removed the rest of in the office (goodbye country landscape) as well as the border (good riddance big flowers) in the master bedroom. I was determined to not leave until all the wallpaper was gone, so Joel came back around 10:30 p.m. after work and together we removed the downstairs bathroom wallpaper (farewell black and white aztec design).

Saturday Joel rolled out of bed by 7:30 a.m. to get the steamer back before 8:10 a.m. He picked up a bunch of paint supplies and was over to the house around 10 a.m. I met up with him about the same time, after making a stop for some supplies myself - and some much needed coffee. I washed the walls while Joel spackled, filling in holes upstairs and down. We called it quits shortly after noon in order to hang out with friends.

Sunday was the marathon day. I worked solo for most of it, since Joel had to work from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. I washed the rest of the walls and then put a skim coat of spackle on the gouges and patches where the drywall showed through. By the time I was done, the office looked like the face of a teenager with acne cream. The master bedroom had less spots; instead it had a long white racing stripe of spackle to fix where the border had been. When Joel arrived around 6 p.m., the spackle was dry so we sanded it down. By the time we were done, we were covered in a layer of white powder. Joel's dark brown hair looked gray. After a quick wipe-down, the walls were ready. I went to work with blue painters tape along the window, doorways and trim in the office. Joel primed the office walls while I started taping the master closet. We called it quits around 11 p.m. when he was done priming.

We worked hard, but it felt good. With every step it feels more and more like "ours" and less like the former owners.

Today's the Day

2009-05-28T13:24:00.003-04:00

Today's the day our house really becomes ours. After work we're going to get the keys from the former owners, and claim it for ourselves by unloading the first of many boxes.

Our house. It feels strange and yet exciting to say that!

Joel and I are as giddy as kids on Christmas morning.

Ready for the Holiday Weekend

2009-05-22T10:55:00.002-04:00

Fridays are every office worker's favorite day, no matter how much you like what you do. And the Friday of a holiday weekend is even better. Our office is like most; half of the people took the day off to enjoy an even longer weekend. The other half of us here in the office are a little more relaxed and unmotivated than usual. There's more chatter and laughter as people discuss their weekend plans.

Mid-afternoon I expect people will start slipping out, some headed for a cottage or camping, others home to clean or cook for BBQs and family get-togethers. We don't have any big weekend plans - just a housewarming BBQ at a friend's tomorrow night. Other than that, we're just going to relax and enjoy some time off.

Hope you all enjoy your holiday weekend as well!

Lost Sense of Security

2009-05-19T13:29:00.004-04:00

This morning when I walked out to my car to go to work, I noticed that my door was unlocked. It struck me as odd, since I rarely forget to lock it. The next thing that struck me as odd was the fact my door wasn't shut. I knew I didn't leave it ajar. With a creepy feeling, I opened the door to find the travel screwdriver normally in the center console on my seat, and my glove compartment open. The CD cases normally organzied in my center console were askew, and one was laying on the passenger seat.

I started feeling ill. Part of me hoped Joel had gotten something from my car earlier that morning, and just forgotten to tell me. But I knew that wasn't the case. Someone else had been in my car and rifled through things. I started looking around - stereo? There. CDs? All there. Random things like shoes, cleats, softball glove, etc, that were left out in my car? Still there. Gas gauge? Still in the same spot it was yesterday. I even got out and looked at my tires - all there, and all inflated. The only noticable thing missing was most the change I usually had in the center console. All that remained were a few pennies and a dime.

Apparently money is what they were after, because anything else of value is thankfully still there. But it's very unsettling to know that hours earlier, some stranger was in my car while we slept. Especially since my car was parked in the driveway, a few feet away from the house and our bedroom window.

Maybe the person really needed the money. But they took my sense of security when they stole a little more than a dollar's worth of change.

Europe Overview

2009-05-03T22:56:00.003-04:00

Here's an overview of all the places we visited in Europe the past two and a half weeks:

Prague, Czech Republic
Munich, Germany
Bavaria, Germany
Interlaken, Switzerland
Geneva, Switzerland
Paris/Versailles, France
Normandy, France
Bruges, Belgium
Goes, Netherlands
Amsterdam, Netherlands

Spring Fever

2009-04-10T13:53:00.000-04:00

The sun is shining and with temperatures around 50 degrees, it feels like spring here in Michigan. Finally. It's giving me spring fever. I don't want to be cooped up inside in my office, I want to be outside. I want to be breathing in the fresh air and enjoying the return of green grass and colorful budding flowers. I thought I might be the only one, but a couple of my friends shared they too have spring fever.

Here's to spring fever!

Solar Power

2009-04-08T11:57:00.000-04:00

I ate my bowl of cereal this morning standing in the middle of the kitchen, with my body towards the big picture window. The window faces east and the sunshine was gloriously bright as it came up over the horizon. I had to squint my eyes to eat, but the light and warmth on my face and body was worth it.

And once I was done with my cereal, I closed my eyes and just stood in the sunlight for a minute. Standing there in my polka-dot pajamas, eyes closed, soaking in the light, I couldn't help but smile.

I was picturing my neighbor looking out his window into our kitchen, and seeing what a strange, solar-powered person I am.

The Week of Green

2009-03-19T18:57:00.000-04:00

Since green is my favorite color - and is one of the best colors on me - I own a lot of green clothing. I joked I could probably wear green for a whole month. After studying my closet for the number of green items, I determined I couldn't do a month of different green items. But I could easily do a week.

And this has been my week of green. On Monday when I showed up in a green blouse with my black suit, a couple people asked me what I would wear the next day, St. Patrick's Day. This is typically when most people intentionally wear green. Not me, I said. I'd be wearing green all week!

6-word memoir

2009-02-13T17:03:00.002-05:00

Recently a friend and colleague of mine gave our team a memoir assignment: we had to write our own six-word memoir, and share it at the next meeting.

The idea is from Not Quite What I Was Planning, a New York Times bestseller. The idea for the book came out of an Ernest Hemingway legend. In the legend, Hemingway was challenged to write a novel in six words, and he wrote, "For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn." Some say he considered this his finest work.

The rules are, you can't use six unconnected words - it must be a phrase or sentence. And it should reflect your own life experiences, goals, dreams and realities as described from your personal perspective.

It's challenging, but also quite fun.

I came up with a couple options this week and they vary a bit, depending on the day and my mood. I have my two favorites I'm going to share, but which two do you like the most? Which is the most accurate?

Young writer enjoying love; world travel.
Solar-powered, high-heeled, middle child.
Writing life’s story; wanted: happy endings.
Thankful for yesterday, hopeful for tomorrow.
Waiting for tomorrow; should’ve done today.
Green-eyed innocent becoming jaded realist.

Now it's your turn. If you had to write your own six-word memoir, what would it be?

Happy Early Valentine's Day

2009-02-12T12:28:00.004-05:00

Even though Valentine's day is a hallmark holiday, Joel and I still get each other a little something to say "I Love You."

When I got home from work Tuesday night, there was a bouquet of a dozen red roses waiting for me. Next to it was a note wishing me a happy early V-day, written on the back of Subway napkin.

That's Joel. Simple, yet thoughtful.

Cleaning Spree

2009-02-09T12:08:00.004-05:00

I clean the bathroom every week. I wipe down the kitchen counters and stovetop after preparing something. I dust and vacuum on a fairly regular basis.

But every so often, I go on cleaning sprees. Usually it's because we're having people over, and I want everything to be immaculate. Or I notice something, like dust starting to collect on the base boards.

This time I think it's just anticipation of spring. It started last weekend, when I was inspired to give the entire inside a good deep clean. I decided to work my way methodically through the house, cleaning top to bottom, room by room: 1. kitchen, 2. bathroom, 3. living room & entryway 4. our room 5. stairs/office.

Once I had a plan of attack, I armed myself with the vacuum in one hand and a bucket full of cleaning supplies in the other. I took the vacuum around the ceiling corners and edges in the kitchen and living room, then vacuumed the floors in both rooms . I wiped down the kitchen walls/baseboard/doors, and the bathroom walls/baseboards. Then I washed the bathroom floor in addition to it's normal weekly cleaning.

This past weekend I took everything out of the fridge and washed the walls, shelves and drawers. I wiped down the walls and baseboards in the living room and entryway. Then I washed the living room and kitchen floors and rewashed the bathroom floor while I had the mop out. In between mopping and wiping walls and baseboards, I did three loads of laundry.

Next weekend it's our room and the upstairs!

Two Scoops

2009-01-27T10:41:00.002-05:00

The other morning, as I poured myself a bowl of raisin bran, I got a lot of raisins. It reminded me of a morning back in high school when our raisin bran had seemed especially heavy on the raisins, light on the bran. I had noticed it all week, and finally commented on it.

"Wow, they don't lie when they say they put in two scoops of raisins! But I think they should start using smaller scoops, because this is almost too many raisins for me."

My mom came over, peered into my cereal bowl, and had to agree. There were a lot of raisins.

My older sister, also at the table, sat especially quiet with a guilty look on her face . She then fessed up. Every time she had a bowl of raisin bran, she would carefully pick out all the raisins.

And put them BACK into the box with the rest of the cereal.

We all started laughing. It wasn't the cereal company's two scoops - it was my sister!

Moving Day Morning

2009-01-12T11:56:00.003-05:00

I was feeling sad and sentimental about leaving the first place Joel and I called home. Until this morning. Moving day morning.

As I was getting ready for work, our smoke detector randomly started going off. It took me a good five minutes to figure out how to make it stop, all the while enduring the ear-piercingly loud beeping.

After the annoyance faded, I found it somewhat amusing that we've never had our smoke detector go psycho in the nearly four years we lived there. Until this morning. Moving day morning.

Maybe it was our apartment saying goodbye and wishing us well.

Or maybe it was just a good reminder why we're moving on.

Farewell Apartment 104

2009-01-02T14:47:00.003-05:00

Joel and I have lived in apartment 104 for the past three and half years. And in ten days we'll be moving out. For good. We're going to live in a friend's house for the next six months while they're out of the country. After that, we'll (hopefully) be moving into the house that will be our home for a good long time.

While both of us have grown tired of apartment living, saying farewell to apartment 104 is a little bittersweet for me. Because it wasn't just a ground level, one-bedroom apartment. It was our first place as a married couple, where Joel and I started the journey of learning what it means to be man and wife.

It's where we had a lot of firsts: our first argument as a married couple. Our first Christmas, complete with a smuggled-in real tree. Our first Easter, where I cooked my first ham and filled the apartment with smoke.

We did a lot of celebrating - sometimes just the two of us, sometimes having friends and family over for birthdays, holidays, or just because. And when it was necessary, we grieved. Grieved for death, broken hearts, lost jobs, and life's frustrations.

I'm not going to miss the stained carpet, the crappy dishwasher, or the insensitive neighbor who played the guitar in the middle of the night. But for all it's flaws and shortcomings, it was a good home to us.

So thanks, apartment 104. And farewell.

A Full Stomach and a Warm Heart

2008-12-17T17:14:00.006-05:00

My office is right across from the breakroom, which drove my predecessor crazy, but I love it. Especially today.

We had a Christmas potluck today at work. So I had a front row seat to the transformation of our ordinary corporate breakroom to a cozy and delightful holiday table.

It started with bright red and green tablecloths, followed by a careful and strategic arrangement of centerpieces, plates and utinsels followed by food dishes. After that, each dish was uncovered. It was like watching presents being unwrapped, complete with exclamations of joy and surprise as the content of each container was reveiled. To top it off, there was the savory aromas of honey ham and warm turkey floating through the air.

After filling up our plates, we made our way to the various conference rooms, which had also been transformed from their normal corporate look. Sitting around the table, we shared holiday stories and lots of laughter. Everyone had prepared their favorite or their best recipe, so we all went back for seconds - or thirds - to sample all the new and delicious food.

It was almost like a get-together with your extended family. A little bit awkward, a little bit chaotic, but also hilarious and enjoyable. I think we all went back to our offices with a full stomach and a warm heart.

When All Seems Lost...

2008-12-09T11:54:00.002-05:00

When all seems lost...

...There are devoted friends who share outrageous stories and laugh too loudly with you, drawing the attention of everyone else in the Chinese restaurant. And who listen and nod sympathetically when you're down and need to pour out your sorrows.

...There is a loving husband who rubs your back and gives you yet another hug, because the hug 10 minutes ago wasn't enough. And who makes you a warm mug of tea, so you have something to sooth your insides and momentarily forget your heart is hurting.

...There is a God who hears your prayers, who comforts you when you cry in the night. And who gives you strength and determination in the morning to face the day.

My Favorite New Prayer

2008-12-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

"Dear Jesus:

Thank you for this beautiful day. Thank you for my family, and my friends. Thank you for my baby dinosaur. And thank you for the GREAT time I could have with Aunt Leslie.

A-men."

-Sam, age 4

A Lesson in Daily-ness

2008-11-17T18:37:00.003-05:00

I participate in a weekly Bible study. We're studying the life of Moses, and are currently in Exodus.

Last week one of the passages we read was about how God fed the Israelites while they were wandering in the desert. Monday through Saturday, he provided manna (bread) in the morning and quail (meat) in the evening. They were supposed to gather only what they needed for that day. Except Saturday; then they gathered enough for that day and Sunday.

It was a daily lesson in trusting God. They had to trust him to take care of their most basic need, food. Our teacher asked us to think about this lesson of daily-ness. Do I really believe that he will take care of my daily needs? And the needs of those around me?

The future can be a scary thing. But rather than get caught up in trying to plan for what's down the road, maybe I need to gather just what I need for today. And trust God to provide again tomorrow.

Practical Shoes

2008-10-09T12:39:00.000-04:00

I've noticed that most of the women in my office wear practical shoes. Smart, fairly plain, with little to no heel. Usually they're black- sometimes brown or blue- to coordinate with countless suits and other "business professional" attire our dress code requires.

I wouldn't say my work footwear is ridiculous, but it definately leans more to the "unpractical" side. I'm not as adventurous as my colleague, who has some brightly colored shoes including a shiny patent leather yellow pair. I own mostly black and brown shoes, but they nearly all have some unique design and at least a 2 inch heel. The closest to a practical work shoe in my closet is a pair of black textured "flats" with a half inch heel, which ironically have given me more blisters than any pair of heels ever has.

There have been a few occassions where I wish I was a practical shoe person. It would certainly make the frequent trips between our building and the other locations easier. And rain, puddles or dewy grass wouldn't be a problem.

But then I look down at my cute, somewhat unpractical high-heel shoes and can't bring myself to trade them in for sensible flats.

Hope

2008-10-07T13:22:00.000-04:00

Hope. I think hope is one of God's greatest gifts. It's a funny, unpredictable and yet incredibly powerful thing. Sometimes you're hope-less and sometimes hope-full, and maybe other times somewhere inbetween.

I almost titled this blog "Hope is a thing with feathers" from another poem by Emily Dickinson, because I tend to be a hope-ful kind of person and I think Emily perfectly captured the essence of hope.

May hope's sweet tune be with you today.

Hope is a thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
-Emily Dickinson

If I could do anything

2008-09-28T19:27:00.004-04:00

Every so often I like to dream about what I would do, if I could do anything.

I don't mean "anything" like when you're a kid and you wish you had super powers and could fly or shot laser beams from your eyes. (Although I would be one of the first to sign up for super powers, if I could.) I mean "anything" in a more realistic sense, as in any job or career.

There are a lot of things I'm interested in, and would love to try my hand at. Some are just whims, that I'd want to try for a year. For example, I think it would be fun to be an interior decorator. I'd love the chance to put together fabulous rooms, using paint colors, furniture and decor. Or be a florist and work with an array of flowers to make beautiful arrangements. I also would like to go to cosmetology school so I could learn cutting techniques and how to mix and apply perfect hair color.

Others are more serious, things I think I would like to do long-term. One of them is being an editor at one of my favorite magazines, and do things like brain storming ideas, interviewing and writing full-time. The other is being a travel journalist, so I could visit all the little corners of the world and write about them, but get paid to do so.

If you could just jump into a job, anything you were interested in doing--even for a short amount of time--what would you do?

Grabbing the bull by the horns

2008-09-23T19:28:00.003-04:00

I'm usually a fairly easy-going, peaceful person. But if you push me into a corner, I'm not going down without a fight. I'm going to come out swinging.

Over the past month and a half, I've felt gradually pushed into a corner. It made me anxious and agitated. The frustrations consumed me and I found myself complaining constantly.

But about noon today I had had enough. Enough of being anxious and enough of my own complaining. So I faced the person I was afraid of, the person who was making me so anxious.

My heart was practically beating through my chest, but I did it. My reasons were twofold: 1. I wanted to show this person I can be assertive and to not overlook me and 2. I needed to fight for my own well being and confidence. I let this person chip away at my self-worth, and that is a dangerous thing.

Today I grabbed the bull by the horns, and I feel stronger and better for it.

When Life Turns Upside-Down

2008-09-12T20:20:00.002-04:00

Romans 8:38-39 TNIV
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Beauty and Ugliness of Politics

2008-09-06T12:09:00.004-04:00

The dynamics of this year's presidential election is exciting to me. It is certainly on its way to being the most interesting political race I've experienced in my lifetime.

I love that we have the freedom to vote. I'm glad I live in a democratic country where we have the opportunity to choose our governmental leaders. I see it as both an honor and a responsibility for American citizens.

But I also hate politics.

I hate the mud-slinging, and nasty accusations. I hate the heated arguments that are caused by them. I hate how different political views can create rifts between family members, friends and colleagues.

The freedom to choose - to vote - is a beautiful thing. But sometimes it makes us say or do ugly things. I pray that this election season you have wisdom to discern the candidate you believe will be the best to lead our country and the grace to accept those who believe differently.

Hair & Self-Expression

2008-08-28T01:21:00.004-04:00

My friends might think I have great hair now, but that wasn't always the case. I know enough now to get trendy cuts that flatter my facial structure and hair type, and invest in products that will help maintain the look. But I had traditional long, straight hair and bangs until partway through high school. It was the ‘90s and nearly every girl had long hair. Certainly all the popular girls did, but somehow it didn’t look as good on me as it did on them.

Every time I visited my trendy hairdresser – my mom’s best friend – she suggested I go for a shoulder-length ‘do instead of my usual inch off the end and bang trim. And one day my sophomore year I said “okay.” It caught us both a little off guard, and she stopped and looked me directly in the eye to see if I was serious. But once the word was out of my mouth, I decided to stick with it. And she didn’t pause to let me reconsider. I walked in with shoulder-blade length hair and walked out with layers that ended just above my shoulders.

I’m not sure what convinced me to take the plunge and trade in my traditional look for a bolder one. It might have been how fabulous her hair always looked. Or that I was ready to be adventurous, to declare myself an individual. Whatever the reason, my hairdresser was right - the shorter, trendy ‘do looked great on me. And it made me feel better about myself.

A new haircut or fresh hair color still makes me feel better about myself. It’s an instant boost in my self confidence. It makes me feel beautiful. It makes me feel bold and alive. Hair probably shouldn’t have such a strong correlation with one’s self worth, but it does for me.

It’s also a chance to be creative, to recreate myself and express who I am in a new way. When a stylist asks me what I’d like done, I always go for something different from the last time, because I'm a different person than I was 6 or 8 weeks before. It’s been immensely satisfying to experiment with new looks. And I can honestly say with all the different cuts and colors I’ve had, there hasn’t been one I didn’t like.

I’ve had really short hair, and shoulder-length hair. I’ve been a redhead, a blonde and a brunette, and a lot of colors in between the three. I’ve had funky, chunky highlights and more subtle, professional highlights. I’ve flipped my hair up and curled it under. I know what “stacked” and “blending” mean, to ask for a blend of "RO" and "YO" colors and that level 6 is probably about as dark as I want to go. At least for now.

I think life is about constantly discovering more about yourself, others, and the world. And if I’m changing as a person, why shouldn’t my hair change too?

Upcoming Event

2008-08-24T22:18:00.002-04:00

I've been one of the main coordinators for a groundbreaking event coming up on Tuesday. It's been a fun and stressful project to work on; with more stress now that we're to the final stages of planning and prep work with set-up and the event itself. I'd appreciate your prayers that all will go smoothly.

The Wall

2008-08-19T18:39:00.004-04:00

Sometimes the words, phrases and paragraphs come together naturally. An idea transitions easily from my head to the computer screen. And my editor and friend gives me positive feedback on what I've written.

But then I usually hit a wall. And the words and phrases won't come together, no matter how many times I write and rewrite. The computer screen mocks me, reflecting back an idea that remains as clear as mud.

For the past couple days, I've continued to hit the wall with my latest writing assignment. And it's making me mad. I would so like to find a way to climb over or dig under or run around this darn wall.

Just Because

2008-08-14T14:18:00.002-04:00

A beautiful bouquet was waiting for me the other night when I got home from work. One dozen antique white roses with pink edges stood in a vase, with a yellow post-it note next to it.

It wasn't my birthday, or our anniversary. My husband had gotten me flowers "just because."

My day started off as an ordinary Tuesday, but my husband's surprise bouquet reminded me that you don't need to have a special day to celebrate the one you love. "Just because" is all the reason you need.

bookworm

2008-08-11T16:33:00.002-04:00

I've always been a bit of a bookworm.

Growing up, when I wasn't in school or playing outside or in the basement, you could find me curled up with a book. It started with basic picture books, then simple chapter books and finally into full-length ones. "New books" were an evergreen item on my birthday and Christmas lists, forcing my dad to nail up some extra shelves to store them. Luckily the public library was only a short bike ride away, so we could borrow more books than we had to buy.

In my middle school English classes, we participated in the "Accelerated Reader" program where we read books and took tests to earn points. Every student was required to earn 15 points every month or two; I read so much I earned about 15 points every week. It was supposed to be a contest to see which student could earn the most points, but there wasn't anyone who came a close second to me. My parents have a picture from middle school graduation of me proudly holding up the prize: a navy blue t-shirt with "Acclerated Reader" written in yellow.

When I got a job at a publishing house, it seemed a little like a dream come true at first. I got to read books, work with authors, then tell others about the authors/books. And I got paid to do it. For the most part, it was wonderful. But not everything I had to read and promote was what I would have chosen for myself. Which ended up being a good thing sometimes. I was introduced to a variety of different ideas and authors that I otherwise might not have ever been introduced to.

But when I started my new job in health care, I went on a book boycott. After having to read books for work-even ones I really enjoyed-I felt like I needed a break. So instead of books I curled up with a magazine, or sat at the computer and read blogs. I didn't touch the stack of books on my nightstand.

Two months later, I got hungry again for a book and realized it was time to end the boycott. I missed the feel of a good hardcover or paperback, the sound of turning pages, the joy of good prose. I missed reading by lamplight before bed and allowing myself an extra chapter...or two...when I should have been sleeping.

So I got myself a library card, checked out four books and now a week and a half later, I've finished two books and am part-way into the third. The bookworm is back.

Travel Bug

2008-08-03T14:10:00.004-04:00

My international travel bug has been acting up lately, giving me an itch to head to some foreign location.

I realize travel is a luxury, but it's something important to both Joel and I. From the lush, green New Zealand landscape to the clear, turquoise-blue waters of the Bahamas, each of the places we've been able to visit has been a unique, enriching experience. And it makes us eager to explore other parts of the big world beyond this corner we live in. So we dream and plan and save up to try and see the world in our lifetime.

Unfortunately travel dreams can't always become reality. We had planned on going to Peru this fall, but had to postpone that because of my job change. We'd want at least two weeks in Peru to spend time with his cousin as well as to do some sight-seeing and taking that sort of extended vacation has to wait until I have more time off.

Now we're tentatively planning on going to Europe in the spring, making brief stops in the Netherlands, Belgium, Czech Republic, France and Switzerland. But these plans may also fall through if we buy a house before next summer.

I had started to come to terms with my travel itch until today, when we had a farewell BBQ lunch for Joel's cousin and his wife, who are head off to Taiwan for a year to teach English. I have no desire to live overseas for a year, but hearing about the travel the two of them hope to do during that time made me envious. Now the travel bug is back.

Dream House

2008-07-30T23:11:00.002-04:00

My husband and I are ready for a house, a permanent place to call our own. Renting made sense when we first got married and has continued to be necessary to save up a good down payment for a house, but we're ready to be done with it. After a certain amount of time, all the "homey" touches like wall decor and furniture can't hide the fact that an apartment is not a real home.

We recently found our dream home through a serious of random events and we're trying hard not to get too attached or think too much about it, in case it doesn't work out. But it's hard. More than any other house we've seen, this is the one we can see ourselves in the best. It's got the perfect deck for having friends over for a summer BBQ, a large family room to host family Christmas', and a big yard perfect for kids to run around in. We could grow old in that house.

It's hard to know if we stumbled upon this dream house because we're somehow meant to have it, or if it's really just that: a dream house.

Family Get-Togethers

2008-07-20T21:37:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure what your extended family is like, but mine is loud, crazy and hilarious. Especially my mom's side of the family.

We had a get-together this afternoon out in Holland at my aunt and uncle's house. We laid around the pool for while, soaked up the sun and cooled off as needed in the water. Then we headed inside for dinner, a feast of pork BBQ, fruit and salads and even though we were all still pretty full, we ended with strawberry rhubarb pie and pecan pie.

My stomach hurts from all the great food and from lots and lots of laughter. I'm not sure what was more funny, the story my energetic cousin told about waking up in the night to a red light coming through the window and becoming convinced it was someone outside with a laser to get her, or seeing a group of my female relatives doing face stretches recommended by my younger sister, which combined sticking out your lower jaw and baring your teeth while looking upward.

Molting

2008-07-19T14:17:00.004-04:00

A girl in my class had a hermit crab as a pet in elementary school. She brought it in for show and tell one day; a small reddish crab with a shell on its back, housed in a circular metal cage. We eagerly crowded around, practically stacked on top of each other as only kids can do, our faces inches away from the wires to get a better look at the tiny creature.

She proudly began to tell us about her unusual pet – what it ate, what it did all day, how she cared for it, and other random information. I remember staring at it in amazement as she told us how the hermit crab would switch shells as it grew. My childhood imagination pictured the shell switch would be like changing clothes.

It wasn’t until recently that I learned the hermit crab isn’t just switching shells, it’s getting rid of its exoskeleton (external skeleton) and growing another. It’s a process called “molting” and is quite time-consuming and painful, but it allows the crab to grow.

The past couple months have been a time of transition for me, and looking at it now, it resembles a hermit crab in the process of molting.

I left one job and got another, which to some might not be that big of a deal. But I had been doing that job day in and day out for five years, and it had become part of my identity. What I did blended with who I was. Leaving meant I had to let go of an identity that defined me for so many years.

I’m not going to lie, it was painful to let go. I felt vulnerable without the job title and responsibilities, and it took time to mourn the loss of what was so familiar. But it forced me to rediscover the important things that make me who I am –the qualities and skills that make up my true identity – not the one given by an employer. It also helped me learn that true friends are friends no matter where you work or what you do.

I’ve noticed the past couple weeks I’ve been filled with a sense of peace and joy. My husband also noticed how happy I’ve been, and commented on it. That’s when it occurred to me that I’ve grown my new exoskeleton, and am feeling quite comfortable in it. Like the hermit crab the molting was challenging, but it helped me grow.

Poetic inspiration

2008-07-13T20:06:00.002-04:00

There's a certain slant of light,
On winter afternoons,
That oppresses, like the weight
Of cathedral tunes.

Heavenly hurt it gives us;
We can find no scar,
But internal difference
Where the meanings are.

None may teach it anything,
'Tis the seal, despair,-
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air.

When it comes, the landscape listens,
Shadows hold their breath;
When it goes, 't is like the distance
On the look of death.

-Emily Dickinson

I first read this poem in middle school, for Mrs. Rozenboom's English class. Everyone had to do a presentation on a poet, and I picked Emily Dickinson. I chose Dickinson partially because she was female and I was going through a feminist phase, but mostly because I was drawn to her writing. Her poetry is both hopeful and sad, a powerful mix of emotions that spoke to my middle school self.

I encountered this poem again in college on an English interim trip in New England. I don't remember exactly where we were, but it was an upstairs room. It was mid-January and as the group of us stood around our professors, a ray of sunshine suddenly streamed in through the window, casting a slanted light beam on the floor. Professor Fondse paused, then started to recite this poem. The visual image with the spoken words transfixed us all.

I live in the Midwest, so I am all too familiar with the weather references in this poem. I know what it's like to endure a cold, gray winter day and enjoy a warm ray of sunshine.

I also know what it's like to go through dark situations in life, the oppressive weight on your shoulders. But then there's a certain slant of light...

And no matter how many ways I encounter it, I am always inspired by and thankful for those slants of light.